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Hansen Finally Admits that he Manipulated Climate Data!

Posted by The Diatribe Guy on April 1, 2010

A contrite James Hansen admitted today that his tenure at NASA overseeing the GISS temperature anomaly data set has been an exercise of data manipulation.

Hansen provided little warning that he had misgivings about his work, and without giving any prior notice to anyone in his family or workplace, decided to call local radio station, WAFD, during early morning programming. The “Hester and Judy Show” was surprised to hear from Dr. Hansen. “We do cover some politics, and we have talked about global warming in the past,” explained Hester Ickel. “But this morning’s show was about adopting kittens at the Humane Society. His call took us a bit off guard, to be honest.”

At 6:47 am this morning, after returning from a commercial break, Judy Tidagin alerted listeners of a “Special guest on the line” and briefly told the audience of Dr. Hansen’s responsibilities. Here is the transcript of that conversation.

Judy: It is a pleasure to have you with us, Dr. Hansen. Thank you for joining us this morning.
Hansen: My pleasure, Judy. And Hester. I enjoy your show.
Hester: Dr. Hansen, do you have any kittens?
Hansen: No, I’m afraid not. That’s not why I called.
Hester: Tell us why you called, then. We’re told you have an interesting announcement.
Hansen: Yes… yes… Um (unintelligible) tough, you know. It’s not true.
Judy: What’s not true?
Hansen: Everything. I’m tired. I just don’t have the energy anymore, you know? I suppose this may make it worse for me, but I can’t help it.
Judy: Dr. Hansen, I’m afraid we’re not really sure what you’re saying.
Hansen: Temperature. It’s not as high as we say it is. We… we’ve figured out ways to… well, make it look a little worse than it is. Now, I still think it’s warming, but we’ve kind of helped the data along, you know?
Hester: Are you saying that you’ve falsified data?
Hansen: No, that’s not true at all. We make it very clear that we run the data through, well, processes. So everyone knows that we do something. The data’s real. Well, most of it, anyway… we try to sort that out a bit and get rid of questionable data. You know, the low stuff. But we smooth it out and run it through our algorithms and… well, you know… kind of tweak the assumptions to our suiting.
Hester: What exactly are you saying? Is global warming not true?
Hansen: No! It’s absolutely true! Just look at the data… oh, wait… never mind. I mean, we’re convinced it’s true. But sometimes the truth isn’t as apparent as we’d like it to be, you know? And we need to do something about all this, and we need to convince these politicians to do it. So, we have just found ways to help tell that story, you know? And, well, I’m just kind of tired. We can’t do this forever, and it’s getting more difficult.
Judy: Dr. Hansen, this is kind of a stunning admission. What led you to call us?
Hansen: I love your show. And I’m tired. And I love your show, you know? I’m sorry to run, but I’m kind of feeling a little queasy. I need to go.
Hester: Well, OK. Thanks for calling, Dr. Hansen.
Judy: Wow.
Hester: You said it.
Judy: April 1st, 2010. A day that will go down in history.


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